How to Improve Self-Regulation for Misbehaviour
To understand how to help our children behave in an appropriate manner, it is important to first understand the developmental stages of the brain and the impact it has on a child's ability to self-regulate.
The human brain experiences 2 major developmental windows during early childhood and adolescence. In these times, the logical decision-making part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) experiences a protracted development. In other words, during these phases, children are more likely to rely on the emotional parts of their brain (the amygdala) for decision-making, even if they understand the concepts and consequences.
As their decisions are likely more emotion-based, support from parents and teachers during these periods is critical in helping children ‘behave appropriately’ or more accurately – self-regulate.
What is self-regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to manage thoughts, feelings, and behaviours in order to achieve goal-directed action, such as healthy friendships or educational achievement. Conversely, a lack of self-regulation abilities could lead to difficulties such as attentional issues, impulsivity, aggression, and risky behaviours.
Self-regulation develops from a process called co-regulation. Co-regulation is the supportive interaction between caring adults and young children, and is essential for the development of healthy self-regulation.
Without healthy regulation skills, a child's response to physical (hunger, fatigue) and emotional (not getting desired choice, adaption to unfamiliar situations stressors) often presents through strong reactivity such as anger, sadness, anxiety, and when in states of overwhelm - meltdowns.
How can I support co-regulation?
As parents and caregivers, there are several ways to support co-regulation.
-
Ψ When your child is still an infant, establish consistent routines and nurturing environments, anticipate needs, and respond with warmth and comfort when the baby is distressed.
Ψ Once your child reaches toddlerhood, teach age-appropriate rules, use emotion words, model waiting, and practice self-soothing strategies together with the young child.
Ψ For pre-schoolers, support them in developing simple problem-solving skills, incentivise and reward rule-following and task completion, model and reinforce self-calming strategies, and provide clear and consistent age-appropriate consequences in a calm manner.
-
Ψ While maintaining warm nurturing relationships and consistent structure, further aid them in developing complex problem-solving skills academically and socially.
Ψ Model conflict resolution strategies, teach organization and planning skills, provide decision-making opportunities, and most importantly, have patience and allow for multiple practice opportunities.
-
Ψ Adolescence is a time of intense emotions, requiring support and empathy.
Ψ Model and coach sophisticated self-regulation skills across different contexts, monitor and limit opportunities for risk-taking behaviours, allow space and time for cooling off after conflicts, and then subsequently process the matter in a calm state. Additionally, allow learning from mistakes without being critical.
Research shows that co-regulation not only scaffolds the building of resilience and prosocial skills, influencing success later in life, but it also serves as a buffer for potential mental health concerns.
With nurturing co-regulation experiences from safe adults, children eventually learn to internalize adaptive coping skills, which form the foundations for healthy self-regulation i.e. learning to “behave appropriately”.
Kirsty Png
Counselling Psychologist
